And when I make a mistake, I make a proper one. No slight hiccups here, thank you very much. No, Mother's Ruin makes big, ole stinkin' major F**K ups!
Picture the scene then, if you will....
Saturday afternoon I had decided that I would cast on a simple project, suitable for the approaching season, that would use up one of my odd balls of yarn and be pretty enough to pop onto the Folksy shop.
Mistake No 1: Test Swatch
Being both impatient and a little arrogant, I thought that I quick test swatch (as in, an inch square) in stocking stitch would be sufficient to correctly gauge my...err....gauge.
Not knowing this, I decided that the delicately variegated orange yarn from artisanthreads.co.uk would make a very fine retro-looking headband and could easily be embellished with a crocheted flower and some beads. Perfick!
Mistake No 2: Owing to test swatch - cast on incorrect number of stitches.
Immediately followed by....
Mistake No 3: Cast on even number of stitches when stitch pattern calls for odd number....
Having abandoned the stitch pattern, I decided that the project was going to be an example of pure, unadulterated, brilliant simplicity..... (that is, 2x2 rib and stocking stitch!).....
On I knitted.....over lunch, whilst chatting on the phone, through LOVEfilm's latest offering - 'Julie and Julia' (has Meryl Streep ever given a poor performance?! I don't think so and can highly rec. this title!).
Aha! Knitting COMPLETE!
Mistake No 4 (or rather culmination of mistakes no's 01, 02 & 03): Project too big!
Massively too big!
Enormously too big!
I don't know a) how I managed to miscalculate to quite such a massive extent and b) how I didn't notice as I was bumbling along knitting the damn thing! Admittedly, Ms Streep was slightly on the distracting side, but come on! Common sense prevail!
Mistake No 5: Felting
Of course - the yarn I've used is a high quality pure blue-faced leicester wool! If I chuck it in boiling water and then into the tumble dryer with a couple of those spikey dryer balls then the whole thing will felt, shrink and come out looking even more gorgeous than I had anticipated!
Except........... When one felts something that is longer than it is wide, the result is often that the item gets THINNER but LONGER.
So...... unless I manage to find a shopper on Folksy with a head circumference directly proportional to Katie Price's bust measurement, I'd say I'm pretty stuffed......
NO no no no no no no NO NO NO NO NNNOOOOOOO
I will not be beaten!
Up to the workshop I rush.......... a quick delve into the boxes of odds and sods that I've collected .......what have we here? Some sewing thread? Some glass beads? A bit of old lace?
Back down the stairs I scuttled, grabbed the needles I'd used to knit the headband together with the leftover yarn. Some swift knitting on the bias followed and.....
TA DA (this is where the smug bit comes in).
Like a phoenix from the flames, my screwed up retro headband became a Victorian Inspired Scarflette, complete with GENUINE VINTAGE lace!
Good save, huh?
N.B Finished item now available on my Folksy Shop!